|
Profile
Archives
Tagboard
Links
Multiply Credits
This layout is fully coded by selfishdesire. |
2009 is almost over.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Happy Late Christmas, Everyone!I just can't wait for 2009 to end. I've had so much drama this year, I just can't wait to start over again. I've had my worst, my best, and my okay moments. I wanna move on. I wanna MOVE. where everyone doesnt know me at all and start a new life. I wont apologize for who I am. People knows I've got problems, I think they should just stop judging me and I'll stop judging them aswell. I don't wanna be in a circle of people where they talk about me behind my back. I know that everyday people will talk about me, eventually. But I think they should just stop, because FIRST, they don't know me. They just know me from people they know and from my sister. I wish they will take a time to come get to know me first, I don't bite. I'm nice to people who are nice to me.. and please, don't judge me because of what IM GOING THROUGH right now. I didnt ask for this, i just wish that people would stop asking and just start respecting. I wish they could feel what I feel too. So that they will know how much it hurts to be in my position. I come from a family where no one cares about me, well maybe they do, but they don't show it. I come from a family where no one talks or share about their lives. I come from a family where they don't say 'I love You' to each other and doesnt even eat dinner at the same table and at the same time. I come from a family that no one knows a single thing thats happening with their personal lives. I come from a family who doesnt celebrate Christmas Eve and doesnt GO TO CHURCH. I come from a family who is not friendly to other family relatives. I come from a family where I barely know my cousins, ninangs, and ninongs. Heck, I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE NAMES OF MY GRANDPARENTS. I never even met them, except for my Lola who took care of me. I guess that's why I'm like this, and I won't apologize for who I am. I made myself like this because of my life and Im sorry I'm not the type of person who is nice to you all the time. I have problems. Lots of them, and I bet I'm not the only one with issues, I bet you stupid motherfuckers who judge me, YOU ALL HAVE ISSUES with yourself too. I'm not a warfreak, drama queen, and frank person, I JUST KNOW HOW TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF. I don't like people bringing me DOWN. I'm not that kind of girl who you can easily defeat. I know how to defend myself, call me a b!tch, I DONT CARE. I know how to stand up for myself and IM DAMN PROUD OF THAT. You can call me whatever you want, but I'll never forgive you for what you made me feel. I don't have bestfriends, heck i don't even think i have friends who actually cares for me. Gosh, i know Im the worst person in the world. I'm actually worst than those people who made wars. I am my own worst nightmare. BY THE END OF THIS POST, I'M GONNA FEEL MUCH BETTER. Keep reading, I'll give you a lollipop after. So, yes. I am a bad person, so what? I am a bad friend, so what? I am a bad daughter, so what? I am a bad sister, so what? Like you people we're never mean to your folks too. I just want people to know what IM GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW IS HARD AND LETS BET A THOUSAND BUCKS YOU CAN'T LAST A DAY IN MY LIFE. It's like im living in a lonely life. I just can't wait to finish high school, finish college and HAVE MY OWN LIFE. I swear to god, I'll work hard to get my dream job, and my dream life so I could just escape the life IM LIVING IN RIGHT NOW. Im not done rambling just yet, FOR 14 FUCKING YEARS IN MY LIFE I'VE NEVER EVER EVER FELT LOVED BY MY FAMILY. NEVER BY SISTER, MOTHER, BROTHER, ONLY FROM MY FATHER. But that comes rarely. He only talks to me when he's in a good mood. I just wan't to have a life where everyone could understand what Im going through, and understand my feelings and a friend or a family that i can share my feelings too, cause right now my blog is the only thing i could let out my feelings. Atleast, my blog won't judge me. Whenever i try telling someone my problems, no one ever listens. So thats why i don't bother. I just wanna be happy. HAPPY. that's the only thing i want right now.... IS TO BE HAPPY. and for people to forget what i did, and forget what is wrong with me. People tend to notice the wrong things about the person and never the right things about them, when people hear stuff about one person, that judgement about them will last for a lifetime. I just wish people can just stop believing what they hear and start believing things from the right person. I know that people can forgive what other people did, but they can never forget how they made that person feel AND thats what i feel right now. I just want forgiveness. I just want to rewind everything in my life and i wish i could just be a baby again, start over and live my life for the 2nd time. I know those chances only comes rarely, but i guess im one of those people who needs start over because people can't forgive her. I've been a really bad person and i just wish people can forgive me. PLEASE GIVE ME CHANCE TO SHOW YOU THAT IM A GOOD PERSON, THAT IM NOT THAT PERSON YOU THINK I AM. I CAN BE NICE, BECAUSE IM REALLY NICE!!! JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE!!!!! |
CHEN here. I am nowhere near perfect, never will be. I say things that you might wanna strangle me. I eat when im bored. I fall for boys easily. I have friends and enemies. I have good days and bad days.
I hope that someday i wont fake a smile. I live through quotes that will help me get through the day. Music saves me from everyday boredom. I can't stand people i dont like. I'm your average teenager. Live it. Love it. Learn from it.
xoxo.
just get back up
when it knocks you down